This is one of the most thought provoking and remarkable threads I've ever had the privilege to read.
It's really sad to read about the challenges and problems others are having to endure. The eloquence and heartfelt comments are moving and inspiring.
Like most people I have memories of Christmas as a child and then through my teenage years, always with parents and brothers and generally with grandparents on Christmas Day or Boxing Day. Even when I left home we managed to be together for Christmas. When I got married we mostly hosted the family for Christmas and that continued for many years. My mother died over twelve years ago and the first two or three Chrstmases were a little difficult but time is a great healer, as they say. My father lives in Canada so we've only spoken via Skype most years although we did fly over to spend Christmas with him just a few years ago. He's now in his nineties and I must admit to thinking in recent years when I write out the Christmas card that it might be the last one I send.
If possible I think you have to just accept that it's part of life: you grow up, you build your own life, get married and have children. They in turn grow up. Somewhere along the journey you realise that things you thought were constants in your life aren't and that you're on the same journey as everyone you know and have known. At times I can get a little nostalgic and emotional but I'm aware of it and aware that nothing good comes from it. I think you have to savour the memories you have and not dwell on them if they get you down. Easier said than done, I accept.
As this is a weather forum I'll share one strong memory: spending Boxing Day with my parents and brothers at our grandparents' place in London. We left early as the snow started to fall; my father commented that it would no doubt all be gone by morning. The year..... 1962.
Enjoy what you have; don't take it for granted. If you have made a difference in this world then your presence has been worthwhile.
I hope everyone has as happy a Christmas as they can, with family or friends or both. Whatever you do don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself: really it isn't about over-spending, over-eating and over-drinking.
Great post Gandalf! That’s my take on it too and I agree about it being easier said than done for some people. Aren’t we the lucky ones who are not prone to depression!!!!
I did suffer for a while in my mid forties, when our daughter went to college and it was suggested I had the ‘flown the nest syndrome’, although maybe it was the mid life crisis that I referred to earlier. I felt a great weight pushing me into a black hole that I could see no way out of. I knew I was there and I knew my constant dark mood was irrational but it wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t pinpoint a time when that dark cloud descended or anything that had triggered it. I could see no happiness in the future and no light in the darkness, however much I tried to turn my thoughts around. I think I gave up trying eventually because the effort was too much.
Nothing else had changed in my previously happy life, other than Gemma growing into a lovely young independant adult, which is all I really wanted for all my kids. I didn’t really talk to anyone about it than occasionally saying I felt a bit fed up - a gross understatement! I didn’t see a doctor because I didn’t know how to explain it and thought it would sound trivial and silly coming from me, the strong independant woman! I was alone!
Hubby suggested a bit of winter sunshine so we booked a family holiday to Florida. I couldn’t even get excited about that as I knew it would just be a temporary fix. All I could think was that I might enjoy it for two weeks but then I’d have to come home to the black mood.
I did enjoy the holiday and it may have helped a little but it wasn’t a miracle cure. Fortunately my darkness lifted, just as it had descended, with no trigger and no time I could pinpoint. I just realised one day that I hadn’t been in darkness for a while. It had lasted for only a few months and thankfully it never came back. So I’m one of the lucky ones! It’s also one of the experiences in my life that I don’t regret or wouldn’t change because it’s helped me understand depression.
I know that whatever anyone else says, won’t make a sufferer better but I think anyone suffering will feel better for talking about it. When you’re in a dark place, you’re the only one there but others have been there before and know what it’s like, so you’re not alone!
Market Warsop, North Nottinghamshire.
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