Some very powerful and heartfelt posts and I fully understand all of you. But I agree with Saint about closing the door against thoughts that hurt and I’m thankful that I’m able to do exactly that! I’m also careful that I don’t get into a situation where that door might open and I do that by changing the way I do things.
My eldest son died in January 2016, so this year will be my third Christmas without him. He always spent Christmas with us (43 of them) and so as not to have an empty chair at dinner that first Christmas, we invited all my family and had 16 around the table on Christmas Day. Our house was filled with love, the people I’m closest to and care for the most and I realised that those who are still with me are what matters now and that I should be grateful for having them.
It actually made it the best Christmas I could have imagined. Everyone enjoyed it so much we decided we should do the same the following year. But that first big Christmas, was to be our last Christmas with my mum, as she died the following summer. I was so glad she’d had all her family around her and it made it even more important that the family spend time with each other.
So, this will be our third big family Christmas dinner at our house and we’ll remember those we’ve lost but our memories will only be happy ones, because we’re a happy family, grateful to have each other. It’s those who are living who are important and time is better spent being thankful for what we have, than being sad over what we no longer have.
It’s really a state of mind. I really feel for anyone who can’t adjust and consider myself to be very lucky that I can. It also helps me to think that there are many people in this world who are far, far worse off than I am and have suffered greater tragedies.
Merry Christmas all!
Great post, Caz and Merry Xmas to yourself and everyone here.
I can remember you describing your own family's situation and what you have done over the past couple of Christmases in the thread we had on our much missed fellow TWO member Dougie last year, just after Dougie had sadly passed away. If I lived in a large enough house I would do exactly as you do and invite all of my nearest and dearest round to my house on Xmas Day for dinner, but unfortunately space constraints have been an issue.
I had an unmarried uncle (my mum's brother) who died in 2001 aged only 65 having been in poor health for several years previously. He used to live with my gran in a village about 15 minutes' drive away from my own house and my gran passed on back in 1983 which left him living on his own for the rest of his life. After my gran died, we brought him over to my house for dinner every Xmas Day from 1983 up to including 1999 for his Christmas dinner, and he always enjoyed this and our company enormously. Sadly, by Xmas 2000, his health had deteriorated to the point where he was no longer able to come here, and so on that Christmas Day my family and day cooked his Xmas dinner, covered it with some foil and then took it over to his house in our car. I could tell by that time that his health was worsening, as he didn't eat a great deal of it and all the previous years when he came to our house, he had enjoyed his dinner enormously. He died just a couple of months later, in February 2001 and only six days after his 65th birthday.
Wherever my uncle is now, plus all my other relatives whom I once knew and are no longer with us, I'm sure they are all having a great time!
Lenzie, Glasgow
"Let us not take ourselves too seriously. None of us has a monopoly on wisdom, and we must always be ready to listen and respect other points of view."- Queen Elizabeth II 1926-2022