HT, I understand exactly. When I lost my son, my mum took my hands in hers, looked me straight in the eye and said, ‘Carol, it does get easier to bear’. That was the most comforting thing she could have said and she of all people knew, because three years earlier she lost a son, my younger brother.
She was right too! There isn’t a day I don’t miss him but there isn’t a day I don’t bring back happy memories of him. We were very close, he was my first born and was like me in many ways, so we had a good understanding. He never married and he always said it was because he couldn’t find another woman like me.
He actually died two days before my birthday, which he’d absolutely hate if he knew! If that makes sense! People bought me cards but nobody wished me ‘happy birthday’ because of course it wasn’t that year, but it has been for the past two years and it will be every year in future. I had to wait four weeks to arrange his funeral as there was a post mortem, due to his sudden death.
The morning of his funeral I had a call from the hospital asking if I could take my mum in for a test the following day. My husband and I took her and we were told she had terminal cancer. She died exactly five years to the day my brother died.
But all these dates are only dates on a calendar. We’re without those we’ve lost every day of the year. No more so on anniversaries. Dates really aren’t significant to our loss, or to getting on with life. That’s the way I see it and it helps!
I am going to enjoy Christmas, especially as I know my son and mum would want me to. They wouldn’t want me to be sad! I wouldn’t want anyone to be sad if I died. Would you?
Merry Christmas everyone! Remember, it’s just another day. But it’s a day in your life, so live it!
Hi Caz, hope you had a great Christmas Day yesterday and hope everyone else did too.
We have discussing earlier in the thread and how those people who lose a loved one close to the festive season manage to cope. A school mate of mine back when I was in 4th year at high school lost him mum to cancer on a day or the year that would have been just as awful in terms of timing, namely his birthday and his 16th birthday no less. Awful enough, but this was only a couple of weeks before we were due to start our final 4th year exams too.
As someone else said earlier in the thread, let that sink in.
Lenzie, Glasgow
"Let us not take ourselves too seriously. None of us has a monopoly on wisdom, and we must always be ready to listen and respect other points of view."- Queen Elizabeth II 1926-2022