At the age of 77, with blood cancer and heart failure, I`m just glad I can still enjoy the Christmas season, although for how much longer is anyone`s guess. 

Being surrounded by our family for Christmas dinner, 2 sons and their wives and 3 children means the emergency chairs will be in use, but that makes life worth living. Being with family at Christmas is what makes it such a special day.

So, I would say, count your blessings!

 

That’s good to hear Eric!  

Like me, you have have reached an age where you can count your blessings and be grateful for life.  No doubt you went through a stage during mid life when you questioned things that you now take in your stride, just as I did.  

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Fine thread indeed. I look forward to Christmas and over the years have experienced it in different ways. Obviously as a kid with my parents and then as a student I would still go back and stay with them. Later it was my wife and daughter and generally we would visit our parents before and spend the "big day" on our own. When my daughter flew the nest we started inviting friends round for drinks and dinner. Last year the Mrs and I spent it on our own. This year daughter and hubby are coming round for dinner.

My personal advice:

1) Avoid routine. It may be passing down traditions but it also has the potential to pass down and foster resentment. 

2) Be careful with the friends thing. We stopped it fairly quickly because a couple we invited had been arguing just before arriving and were in a vile mood. It ruined it for everyone! The best times with friends are during the year and not big preplanned "set piece" dinners etc.

3) If you don't enjoy Christmas that's a shame, but IMO you're not missing out on the best day of the year. Far from it! There are many better ones which occur unexpectedly through the course of an average year.

Post of the thread!  

I absolutely agree with everything you said!  

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Nick I know you called the thread 'Christmas depression' but for me it has been one of the most upbeat, inspiring and unexpected threads on TWO this year.

Thank you.

 

One aspect of depression, especially at these sort of occasions, is that you can think you're the only one struggling. People from a wide range of characters and circumstances have posted on this thread to talk about how different aspects of the Christmas period can affect them, and indeed how sometimes everyday life can be an emotional mountain. If nothing else, this thread illustrates that regardless of our opinions on certain matters or how we conduct ourselves, we're more alike than we may seem. That is a comforting thought in itself.

 

 

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Some really excellent posts here. Need a decent amount of time to read them all as I intend to.

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The real sadness, however, is going to be that because of the progress of Alzheimers this will be the first Christmas that my wife has no idea what all the fuss is about. That I do find really depressing. She managed to whisper, not really sing, along with the words of Christmas carols at the local 'nine lessons and carols' last night, but she doesn't remember doing so this morning.

Sorry to hear that.

My mother had it and as you know there is nothing I can say of comfort

Its very sad to see the person I depended on for so many years become the child and me the parent, and in the latter stages she didn't know who I was. I was just another carer. 

But I try to remember her as she was when I was younger

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This is a beautiful and emotional thread to read 

Take care over the Christmas period folks. 

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In the middle of everything society and social media can throw at us it is lovely to read through a thread like this with such thoughtful and heartfelt words. We’re all different in many ways but in many others we share the same feelings of joy and pain of comfort and of loss.

It’s a time of year when I, like others, think of the past with a combination of thankfulness and sadness. However I consider each and every day a blessing and one to extract the most from as I do not know what the future will hold. I like the idea of not having a routine at this time of the year and enjoying some relaxation. For some people that is enhanced by being surrounded by loved ones and for others it is a time for calm and chill out.

Many thanks to Nick for starting this thread and I hope you all have a peaceful and enjoyable Christmas period.

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Some really heartfelt posts in here. 

I’m a firm believer that our mental health is really really tested over Christmas, I find myself feeling much more anxious, tired and irritable - so much pressure to be “on form” and sociable. 

Pre-existing mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety can be a load worse at this time of year for the same reason.

Weirdly, unlike most, I actually quite like early January when it’s all done and dusted and I can look forward to things later in the year, and try and get healthy again. 

I don't mind January and, for that matter, February either tbh Joe. While the weather in both months can be rather frightful at times, to me the fact that the days are slowly but surely lengthening again is a a prefectly adequate compensation for whatever the weather may thrown at us.

I suppose that if someone ever asked me to name a month of the year that I really don't look forward to at all, it would be November. I never much like it at the tail end of October when the clocks go back an hour and all of a sudden, it is dark and hour earlier and we still have another six weeks or so to go of the days still shortening. At least now, that process is complete for another year and although we won't start to notice the days lengthening until mid-January or so, the lengthening process will be underway from this weekend and we will be working our way towards the longest day/summer soltice again.

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Best bit of it all is that that is the shortest day done and dusted!

No matter how grim things become the dark nights are now in retreat!

Sometimes I think we would all do better if we peeled back the nonsense and got back to our pagan roots at this time of year!

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Best bit of it all is that that is the shortest day done and dusted!

No matter how grim things become the dark nights are now in retreat!

Sometimes I think we would all do better if we peeled back the nonsense and got back to our pagan roots at this time of year!

Maybe this is a peculiarity of mine, but I always find the prospect of days (as in daylight) becoming longer to be depressing. 

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Great thread - and it goes to show that as others have said there's sometimes an overbearing imperative to "have fun" as others seem to be doing. What's clear from the comments here is that it isn't always fun (and I completely concur), and can be trying if not downright stressful, and it's a misconception to think everyone else is enjoying it more than you are.

Each year I see my parents at Christmas I think "will this be the last one for us all?" given their recent health scares, and that attitude is really not healthy.

The best Christmas we ever had as a family was one year where we thought "sod it", and said to all family and friends that we weren't doing cards, presents, visits etc. and just buggered off to Mexico on holiday for two weeks. Blissful.

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This will be the first Christmas Day since we got married, some 54 years ago, that we will not have some of the family with us or we with them.

I don't think it'll make so much difference as we will have accumulated five days with one member of the family or more in the week before or after Christmas itself. For instance, our daughter will be down for a trad Christmas meal on Boxing Day. It'll be odd, though, to be just us when 90%(?) of the country is with family, and all the social and entertainment activities of the country at large are set up to match the family model.

The real sadness, however, is going to be that because of the progress of Alzheimers this will be the first Christmas that my wife has no idea what all the fuss is about. That I do find really depressing. She managed to whisper, not really sing, along with the words of Christmas carols at the local 'nine lessons and carols' last night, but she doesn't remember doing so this morning.

Dew, if it's any comfort, you (not alone I must say) are one of the obviously really good ones here.

To those who's internet persona I don't find obviously really good, I'll just say I actually suspect you are good as well

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At the age of 77, with blood cancer and heart failure, I`m just glad I can still enjoy the Christmas season, although for how much longer is anyone`s guess. 

Being surrounded by our family for Christmas dinner, 2 sons and their wives and 3 children means the emergency chairs will be in use, but that makes life worth living. Being with family at Christmas is what makes it such a special day.

So, I would say, count your blessings!

 

Yes, I do.

Like several here I don't have my own family. I do regret that, but it doesn't dominate my thoughts. Those of you who do have your own family are lucky, those of us us who don't can (I hope) be good, rewarded by life and characterful in other ways.

Depression. Luckily I don't think suffer, I'm not sure why - but it would seem an unnecessary additional kicking for not have achieved in a standard way, and i think I'm the sort to say 'I'm just not having that!'.

Christmas. I see it as a way of getting to the longest day - even tonight sunset was a little later. but, family will be around and we'll have a nice meal and chill.

Old age. Now that is the potential real bugger for us single ones. I live in hope though.

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A really interesting thread. I still have both my parents. They both have relatively good health, knee replacements not withstanding. In there early 70's. I treasure every moment with them. They gave me and my brother great Christmases in our childhood and we're reciprocating them now. Both my kids are at Uni, indeed my daughter is in Japan this year for Christmas and we all normally spend Christmas day together. I lost my nan on Christmas Eve 20 years ago, so it's a bitter-sweet time for my dad (all the grand parents have since passed). I love Christmas, but I know one day, there will be that empty chair. The thought makes me tear up now. But, that makes me even more determined to enjoy not only Christmas, but any time I spend with my parents, extended family and friends.

My partners father has advance dementia and she's finding it tough, so I do see it from the other side as well and it must be tough to see others having fun. But she, like me ensures she makes the most of her mum and my family. The older I get, the more I withdraw from the material world. Having friends and family altogether gives me the greatest sense of well-being and happiness.

Sorry for the ramble..

 

 

 

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This is one of the most thought provoking and remarkable threads I've ever had the privilege to read.

It's really sad to read about the challenges and problems others are having to endure.  The eloquence and heartfelt comments are moving and inspiring.

Like most people I have memories of Christmas as a child and then through my teenage years, always with parents and brothers and generally with grandparents on Christmas Day or Boxing Day.  Even when I left home we managed to be together for Christmas. When I got married we mostly hosted the family for Christmas and that continued for many years. My mother died over twelve years ago and the first two or three Chrstmases were a little difficult but time is a great healer, as they say.  My father lives in Canada so we've only spoken via Skype most years although we did fly over to spend Christmas with him just a few years ago.  He's now in his nineties and I must admit to thinking in recent years when I write out the Christmas card that it might be the last one I send.  

If possible I think you have to just accept that it's part of life: you grow up, you build your own life, get married and have children. They in turn grow up. Somewhere along the journey you realise that things you thought were constants in your life aren't and that you're on the same journey as everyone you know and have known.  At times I can get a little nostalgic and emotional but I'm aware of it and aware that nothing good comes from it. I think you have to savour the memories you have and not dwell on them if they get you down. Easier said than done, I accept.

As this is a weather forum I'll share one strong memory: spending Boxing Day with my parents and brothers at our grandparents' place in London.  We left early as the snow started to fall; my father commented that it would no doubt all be gone by morning. The year..... 1962. 

Enjoy what you have; don't take it for granted.  If you have made a difference in this world then your presence has been worthwhile.

 

I hope everyone has as happy a Christmas as they can, with family or friends or both. Whatever you do don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself: really it isn't about over-spending, over-eating and over-drinking.

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This is one of the most thought provoking and remarkable threads I've ever had the privilege to read.

 

I completely agree. TWO really is a wonderful place.

Merry Christmas to you all. 

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As this is a weather forum I'll share one strong memory: spending Boxing Day with my parents and brothers at our grandparents' place in London.  We left early as the snow started to fall; my father commented that it would no doubt all be gone by morning. The year..... 1962. 

 

Must have been incredible to live through that winter. Assuming you had adequate heating etc

 

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Must have been incredible to live through that winter. Assuming you had adequate heating etc

 

Maybe for the Weather forum but yes, it was in hindsight remarkable. But at the time it was just each day cold with snow everywhere. I don’t think you worry about the cold much when you’re a kid.

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This is one of the most thought provoking and remarkable threads I've ever had the privilege to read.

It's really sad to read about the challenges and problems others are having to endure.  The eloquence and heartfelt comments are moving and inspiring.

Like most people I have memories of Christmas as a child and then through my teenage years, always with parents and brothers and generally with grandparents on Christmas Day or Boxing Day.  Even when I left home we managed to be together for Christmas. When I got married we mostly hosted the family for Christmas and that continued for many years. My mother died over twelve years ago and the first two or three Chrstmases were a little difficult but time is a great healer, as they say.  My father lives in Canada so we've only spoken via Skype most years although we did fly over to spend Christmas with him just a few years ago.  He's now in his nineties and I must admit to thinking in recent years when I write out the Christmas card that it might be the last one I send.  

If possible I think you have to just accept that it's part of life: you grow up, you build your own life, get married and have children. They in turn grow up. Somewhere along the journey you realise that things you thought were constants in your life aren't and that you're on the same journey as everyone you know and have known.  At times I can get a little nostalgic and emotional but I'm aware of it and aware that nothing good comes from it. I think you have to savour the memories you have and not dwell on them if they get you down. Easier said than done, I accept.

As this is a weather forum I'll share one strong memory: spending Boxing Day with my parents and brothers at our grandparents' place in London.  We left early as the snow started to fall; my father commented that it would no doubt all be gone by morning. The year..... 1962. 

Enjoy what you have; don't take it for granted.  If you have made a difference in this world then your presence has been worthwhile.

 

I hope everyone has as happy a Christmas as they can, with family or friends or both. Whatever you do don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself: really it isn't about over-spending, over-eating and over-drinking.

Great post Gandalf!  That’s my take on it too and I agree about it being easier said than done for some people. Aren’t we the lucky ones who are not prone to depression!!!!

I did suffer for a while in my mid forties, when our daughter went to college and it was suggested I had the ‘flown the nest syndrome’, although maybe it was the mid life crisis that I referred to earlier.  I felt a great weight pushing me into a black hole that I could see no way out of.  I knew I was there and I knew my constant dark mood was irrational but it wouldn’t go away.  I couldn’t pinpoint a time when that dark cloud descended or anything that had triggered it.  I could see no happiness in the future and no light in the darkness, however much I tried to turn my thoughts around.  I think I gave up trying eventually because the effort was too much.

Nothing else had changed in my previously happy life, other than Gemma growing into a lovely young independant adult, which is all I really wanted for all my kids.  I didn’t really talk to anyone about it than occasionally saying I felt a bit fed up - a gross understatement!  I didn’t see a doctor because I didn’t know how to explain it and thought it would sound trivial and silly coming from me, the strong independant woman!  I was alone!

Hubby suggested a bit of winter sunshine so we booked a family holiday to Florida.  I couldn’t even get excited about that as I knew it would just be a temporary fix.  All I could think was that I might enjoy it for two weeks but then I’d have to come home to the black mood.  

I did enjoy the holiday and it may have helped a little but it wasn’t a miracle cure.  Fortunately my darkness lifted, just as it had descended, with no trigger and no time I could pinpoint.  I just realised one day that I hadn’t been in darkness for a while.  It had lasted for only a few months and thankfully it never came back.  So I’m one of the lucky ones!  It’s also one of the experiences in my life that I don’t regret or wouldn’t change because it’s helped me understand depression.

I know that whatever anyone else says, won’t make a sufferer better but I think anyone suffering will feel better for talking about it.  When you’re in a dark place, you’re the only one there but others have been there before and know what it’s like, so you’re not alone!  

 

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Maybe for the Weather forum but yes, it was in hindsight remarkable. But at the time it was just each day cold with snow everywhere. I don’t think you worry about the cold much when you’re a kid.

My parents used to talk about getting Coal for the fires as there was no central heating  and filling hot water bottles to keep warm. They also had an outside toilet which used to freeze up.

Remarkable what we take for granted these days

Sorry OT! 

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