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Joined: 20/11/2015(UTC) Posts: 6,423 Location: Central Southern England
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Originally Posted by: NickR  "I love Christmas" is what I say... only I don't. I find it intensely sad and depressing. Of course, I enjoy moments and the day is great in many ways.. but, as well as the final few days at work being very lonely every year, I find the weight of the past and the overbearing awareness of the passing of time too much to bear. Christmas reminds me of my childhood. We have always had a very particular kind of Christmas day, with set family traditions that have been passed down. That makes it worse. We continue them, but all that does is, as I say, bring home the cycle of time, the fall into loss, the fact that my childhood has long gone, my relatives have passed away, or, in the case of cousins with whom we'd spend the day, have drifted away, as happens. The nostalgia, wistfulness, and sense, looking at my kids, that this brief period of childhood Christmasses will soon be the past and a memory for them as well... are just utterly overwhelming. Every year. This is, I agree, a lovely prose. I share and have come to terms with the sadness that grief brings, as have many respected posters replying to your post. I now feel the things you have articulated so clearly on and off through the year; but increasingly, though the emotions seem more intense, I find a sort of dichotomous, resigned joy in the knowledge that this goes on, and on, generation after generation and it's very, very, meant-to-be. My beautiful babies are less needy of me, my lonely Dad looks up to no generation ahead and I feel the years and friends slip away into the memory bank. How lucky that I can do this in warmth and comfort, and still feel childish enthusiasms about some things. Sounds twee, but to have that joy of remembering and even regret, is far beyond some of our brothers and sisters who find each day just another to hopefully get to the end of. Chin up Nick. I'll keep both of mine up! |
Bertie, Itchen Valley. Remember Finlake! |